He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
