So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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