If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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