It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
