hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
