Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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