I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize