loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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