My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
