I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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