I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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