She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
