Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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