I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Damn victory sex feels great
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
