Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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