I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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