you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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