This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
