i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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