It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Of course I have a pirate flag
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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