I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
