Porn is love you can see.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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