I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
