I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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