i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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