you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
