She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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