I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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