just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
