i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
