Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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