This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
