Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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