Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
