I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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