im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
