I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
