he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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