Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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