The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
