just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
