White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
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i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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