come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
