i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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