we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
