Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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