Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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