is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
