My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
