Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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