hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
