I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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