He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
