she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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