I think i sorta joined a cult last night
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
