with your own penis?
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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