what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
