It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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