I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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