it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
