i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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