Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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