dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
