i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
