We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
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I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
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BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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