Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
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It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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