Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
