as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My feet surprised me
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