are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
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I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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