you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
