you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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