It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
