I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
