He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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