my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Randomize
