I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
