so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
