wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
