i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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