Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
