We need to rekindle our bromance
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
