after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.