I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.