a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is Oprah even human
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.