we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina