"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.