I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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