so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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