Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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