I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
it hurts more in the daytime
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
