i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
