if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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