Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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